i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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