Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
