none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
did i walk over a car last night?
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
