Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize