bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
