I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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