I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
