Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
