I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Randomize
