Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
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