i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Randomize
