he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
