we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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