yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
