and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
