I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
