Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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