Kiss
Puke
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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