I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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