Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
