You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
