Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
