We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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