I feel like I'm in dance class right now
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
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