I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
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