btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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