ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
