Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
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