i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
