the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
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