My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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