is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
