I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
