google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Randomize
