just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
