STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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