So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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