Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
