Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize