okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
