take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
