every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
