I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
