the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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