i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
