I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
