I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
