i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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