She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
