in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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