I think im going to throw up on grandma
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
