it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
