im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
