Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
