i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
