I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Randomize
