just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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