so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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