he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
