I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
