fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
