my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
