I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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