can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
