Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
