A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Buhtt sex?
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
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