apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
