she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
