I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I'm passing your future prison.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
