I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
