You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
