Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
