that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
