she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
