She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
