I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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