New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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