walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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