Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
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