I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
