my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
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