Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
