need another drink. this is the easiest way
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
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