And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
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