I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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