I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
