you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
