Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
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