Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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